MY PET DIAPERED GOAT


In the “you cannot make this shit up” news category:

In Iraq, under mulllahs’ orders and mutfis’ edicts, if you are a shepherd and you do not diaper your goat(s), you will be executed. Why? Because the m&ms believe that the shepherds may get aroused if they happen to view the goats’ genitals. Apparently this sort of punishment happens regularly in Nazaria, a suburb of western Baghdad, as does another innovative punishment: Are you a grocer who arranges your vegetables in a way that some mullah might find sexually suggestive? You get the death penalty too, or at least your store will be firebombed.

The diaper edicts do not apparently extend to sheep and camels. I wonder why? Could it be because when you’re fucking or sucking one of them, you’re not actually viewing the genitals? Or, could it be, as Yasser Arafat suggested to Bill Clinton when Clinton asked him with whom Clinton could have an affair next, “Sheep dont talk!”? Baaaa-fling!

I was unaware that Muslim society, at least in modern times, had these strictures against bestiality. But then again, when you think about it, the mullahs who come up with this shit (what kind of diaper is acceptable? What if the goat is allergic to it? How often is the diaper to be changed? Must the shepherd purchase a diaper genie? How can one change the diaper without viewing the genitals? If it is never to be changed, how can the goat reproduce?) couldn’t care less about bestiality. No – this crap is all about trying to shame people into not thinking about genitals, which in turn, it is hoped, will shame them into not thinking about sex. Muslim men can’t see Muslim women unclothed, but apparently, these men inexplicably are aware of the fact that human female genitalia exist, so the mullahs believe that covering up goat genitalia will control these males’ desire to refrain from masturbating, fornicating with human females, and so on. Yes, that will do it. Being forced to inhale the smell of goat shit all day long will drive all thoughts of sex (as opposed to shit) out of your head. Maybe you won’t want to have sex with a goat now until it is given a high colonic, but nonetheless, how does the diapering of goats prevent men from getting excited about HUMAN females? The act, and significance, of putting Huggies on your livestock bears no logical relation to one’s ability to refrain from becoming aroused by one’s wife, unless the wife actually looks like a goat, in which case the diapering may serve to reinforce a repulsion. May I suggest to the mullahs the following idea: have the men, in addition to diapering the goats, display pictures of their wives’ heads on the goats’ faces, carving out spaces for the goats’ eyes, noses, mouth, and so on. (Kidding, of course. To be an animal in the Muslim world is to be mistreated by definition).

The problem (actually, one of many problems) with these mullahs is that not only do THEY have diapers in their hair; they have diapers in their heads.


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